i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
