hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
