I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
