She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
