broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
