Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
