WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
