i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm always down for nudity.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
