i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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