I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
