Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
