i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
