i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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