So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
