All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
