So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
