you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
