Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
