what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
