Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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