she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
COCAINE IS GR8
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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