hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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