Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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