The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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