You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
