I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
