apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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