That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
