So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
