he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
