I feel great
I just peed on a car
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
