You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dick very happy bro
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
