i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
