Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
