1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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