He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
