just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
