some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
