I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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