I seem to have left my pride at pride
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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