Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
