Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
