? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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