Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
