But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
