he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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