dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
