He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize