I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
