i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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