i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
