Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
