She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My bed smells like the plague
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
