I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
