I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And then he peed in my hair
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