I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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