no, he came in my armpit
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
