She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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